How Long Does Couple Therapy Take

 

This is an important question. Many therapists/counselors, even those who specialize in working with couples, say they're "short." But be careful! Some people are looking for a "quick fix" or vastly underestimate how long it takes couples therapy to see significant and lasting results. I'm working on “How long they will take” which cannot be predicted. Each couple has its own story to tell, its own story, its challenges to challenge, own goals, and different psychological resources to bring to the therapy setting.

I consider each pair unique. I understand that what works for one couple may not work for another. Couples therapy needs to be tailored to be most effective. This is in contrast to what is called the "cookie cutter" approach, where the client is expected to fit a pre-existing mold as a theoretical approach or method favored by a particular therapist. Put another way, I use my extensive theoretical knowledge and experience to fit the specific and unique needs of a couple of clients as opposed to fitting a couple of clients into a narrow, preconceived approach.

Most couples I have worked with have longstanding and complex problems — together and individually. Clients and therapists need to be realistic as to how much time it usually takes to get to the roots of the couple`s problems, and to supplement the couple`s old patterns, stories, “tapes,” and “programming,” with new patterns, stories, “tapes,” and “programming.” In this way — gradually, and step-by-step — old unhealthy, dysfunctional, ineffective, and unproductive ways of relating to one another are replaced by healthy, functional, effective, and productive alternative ways of relating.

Meet with the Couple Therapist Together or Alone?

Once you meet with a therapist in person, you can decide together how much you and your partner want to meet in conjoint sessions individual sessions, or a combination of the two. There are pros and cons to meeting with each modality. If your therapy/counseling involves an individual session, check in advance how the therapist you work with handles confidentiality. Therapists have different guidelines in this regard. Some will share what you say with their partner in a one-on-one session, and some will not.

What Happens Between Sessions?

Therapists work in a variety of ways regarding what happens between sessions. For example, some couples therapists often give their clients “homework” while others do not. Some believe it speeds up the process, while others find it a burden. This issue can be negotiated with a therapist. Think about what works or works best for you. In general, the more time and effort you put into putting into practice what you learned in a session, the more effective your therapy will be. How structured, unstructured, or time-consuming this homework is up to you.

If you feel motivated and committed to accelerating the treatment process, you can schedule and participate in regular, relationship-focused conversations with your therapist between sessions. For this effort, see my article Guidelines for Talking to Your Partner About Critical Relationship Issues.