What to Expect When You Go to Couples Therapy

 

According to Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years before deciding to seek couples therapy. That's six long years of banging your head against a wall and hoping for a different outcome.

Cincinnati Couples Therapy Misconceptions

Many couples cope with difficult stages on their own without outside help. I believe it should be possible. Other couples feel guilty and ashamed of being in a position where they need couples therapy. I tell myself they are bad at communicating. They say that if you truly love each other, you shouldn't clash. None of these assumptions help. More importantly, none of them are true.

They are not the same person, so they should be opposed as husband and wife. They didn't come from the same families, didn't experience the same triggers, and didn't have the same expectations of life and relationships. This is the perfect storm for conflict. What you do when you're at odds tells you how your relationship develops.

Most communication problems occur during conflicts. Frustration and disagreement have to be experienced. You probably didn't or couldn't tell what to do when you're feeling defensive, isolated, or overwhelmed.

What Therapy Is Really Like

I tell my clients that most of us didn't take couples communication classes in high school. In couples therapy, we learn to be better partners. It's not about blaming, solving problems, or criticizing.

Couples therapy helps you learn and practice tools that help you build better relationships. Couples therapists also work to eliminate the notion that conflict is bad or that disagreements are doing bad things. The therapist can identify stumbling blocks when dealing with conflict and how they are managing their physiological responses. You can also evaluate attempts to repair conflicts.

What does the therapist check?

When the therapist talks about the assessment, he/she enters your world and spends time understanding how you interact with each other and where your problems are. is needed. A couples therapist's evaluation consists of two aspects. This involves the therapist identifying each person's personality, needs, and triggers. It's about understanding how these changes affect you as a couple when you're together. The therapist is the neutral party. Therefore, it's also important to assess the dynamics created when each one works to ensure that their needs in the relationship are met. The therapist uses evaluation to get a sense of unhelpful behavior.

Oral History: Telling "Our Story"

Gottman Method-trained therapists systematically and thoroughly evaluate couples who work together. During the first session, you will meet with the therapist and share her oral history of the relationship. They talk about many things. B. Each subjective reality of how they met, memories of dating, parenthood (if applicable), and difficulties and successes experienced as a couple. This time helps your therapist understand the journey you took together before coming to therapy.

Usually, the therapist will ask you to talk about difficult issues in your relationship. This may inherently feel awkward in front of strangers, but this step is important. This allows therapists trained in her Gottman method to identify which core skills need to be mastered or improved. Most couples who can exhibit conflict patterns (usually referred to as the Four Horsemen) are better supported in couples therapy. Unproductive patterns often underlie feelings of being misunderstood and emotionally detached.

Vent Sessions

The therapist and he do one-on-one sessions without the presence of a partner. increase. The purpose of this session is not to keep secrets from each other. Give each person a space to talk to a therapist without filtering for their partner. In my practice, I affectionately refer to these individual sessions as "venting sessions."

Your therapist knows you love your partner. However, you need time to have a one-on-one conversation with your therapist and share your concerns and hopes about what therapy can do for you. This is also a time to build a relationship with your therapist. That way, you can be confident that your therapist will understand you and will be your advocate the entire time you work with them. , the therapist presents an assessment of strengths (because all couples have strengths) and growth areas. This review is not meant to make you feel embarrassed or worried about your relationship status. A relationship assessment session is a way to have your therapist present you with a treatment plan or roadmap and explain the goals they have for you. It contains measurable steps that you can refer to.