Couples Therapy With Trauma and Abuse Survivors

 

We all touch on issues from the past. The most common causes include trust, the ability to form intimate relationships, anger control, mental and physical limitations, and childhood trauma. Each issue shapes how we deal with current stressors and disagreements, albeit in different ways. This article examines how the presence of a partner who has survived child abuse affects relationships.

First of all, I think people are subconsciously attracted to people who have similar psychological challenges to themselves. Their backgrounds may be very different, but the strengths and weaknesses of the couple are intimately intertwined, making them feel "at home." That's why I never look at a couple where one has had a traumatic childhood and thinks that that person has a problem and the other doesn't. Yet, I often get calls from my child abuse survivor partner saying, “I have a problem, can you help me solve it?”, and my answer is always the same.

"I can't correct anyone, but I can watch them interact and hopefully I can help change your behavior." If not, I will never hear from her about it.

However, if childhood trauma is not recognized and treated soon after it occurs, it can harm adult relationships, emotional and even sexual intimacy. The desire for safe and loving relationships can be undermined by experiences of betrayal or cruelty by loved ones in the survivor's past. Each person has a different way of coping with trauma, depending on their particular situation and temperament. However, unresolved trauma leads to emotional dysregulation and low self-esteem. People who have experienced trauma expend more energy than others dealing with anxiety, depression, and anger. A person with repressed memories experiences unexplained emotional triggers, nightmares, and/or intrusive negative thoughts. Children whose trauma was never acknowledged or intentionally devalued had to find their way of surviving this event. When betrayed by someone they love, they either let go of their feelings and break up, or they turn their backs on themselves and accept the story that everything that happened was their fault. Either

In adulthood, the chances of survival turn into self-loathing.

People who are attracted to unresolved trauma survivors are often caring and controlling types. They often come from families where boundaries were not respected. They are drawn to their partner's flaws and emotional fragility. This connection can cause further emotional dysregulation in the relationship or be used for healing.

When working with couples where one partner turns out to be an abuse survivor, I try to create my safety first, my partner's safety, and my safety. And her thoughts were confused. Feeling secure in your primary relationships is an important starting point for rebuilding trust and security in your world. ” 

Survivors may have told their partners stories of their past, perhaps many times. Yet revisiting the trauma in a psychological context allows us to validate and validate their emotions in a way that creates a deeper connection between them. And what survivors need most is connection. Because one of the most insidious effects of abuse is that it leaves children feeling disconnected, isolated, ashamed, and unloved. This feeling of isolation and feeling different and unloved continues into adulthood. A partner's most innocent actions can trigger traumatic memories and defensive reactions in abuse survivors. A therapist should help couples work together on how the past is affecting the present.

The next step is to help our partners find new ways to interact. Clear communication and active listening promote abuse victims' emotional control and mutual respect in relationships. This creates security, stabilizes relationships, and allows for more differentiated problem-solving of current issues. Being mindful of your behavior and its impact on your partner is an important part of working with them. This is even more important when dealing with someone who has experienced trauma in the past. The two must work together to find the emotional triggers that are driving them crazy. Much like reliving stories of an abusive past, exploring emotional triggers in a safe environment with a partner can help victims feel seen, loved, and supported. Helps you feel. The result is a positive connection for survivors and hope for couples. 

For more information, you can visit Couples Therapy & Relationship Counseling.